Sunday, October 08, 2017

Changing of Season

So I told my self I needed a break.

My mind is practically a tangled threat for a couple of months. It's obvious, since I've been complaining since July. Haha.

I'm having an endless train of thought and I feel like I've been thinking hard to find an answer, a solution, a scarp of hope in this dark tunnel. I also start to write a journal every time I feel like I may 'explode' with emotions. Yes, I'm trying my hardest to keep writing even thou it's not here since I know it's something soothing for my mind. A girl needs to find a grip to keep functioning everyday, after all.

Some thoughts can be really intense some night, that I feel an extreme sadness and confusion. So I end up staying late, watching my favorite comedy romance or reading some books or writing, anything to loosen up and take off my mind of the problem just for a while. I know and I completely understand that I have to be strong and holding on as long as I can. This shall pass, I tell myself. This is another phase that I have to go through to be a better version of me. This is hard and tiring, but I know I'm strong enough to handle this, even thou I have to crawl to get out of this mess. 

A side from all the un-fun story, I'm looking forward for UWRF 2017 this year. I booked my ticked and pretty much ready to jet off tehehe. I'm planning to take a meditation class too, but haven't decided where. Ugh, so excited!

Wednesday, August 30, 2017


I still feel a little off up until these last days of August. Summer is stealing my energy and my spirit, taking them away as the sunny days starting to grow gloomier. I've done everything in my power to restore my mojo, but it seems like it won't go away, this restless feeling. I wonder, do I get bored with life?

August has been tiring. I experienced a lot of new things: dealing with dissapoinment, encouranging my own self when nobody seems to get it, being as professional as I can be when facing client's high expectation, maintaining their expectation, keeping up with time, and so on and so on. I can't seem to find a moment to breath, which remind me with a moment I had in my previous job. The same feeling, the same struggle. I don't know. I think it's just me being tired that I can't really think clearly. That's it. I should have stop thinking for a while, just for a while so my tiny brain can get a break from the fast pace of my thoughts stream.

There's one case that I want to share. I've been stressing out about one particular client lately. Somehow, I can't really find the fun part of working with them. It's strange for me since I can always find one or two fun parts of working with everyone, no matter how terrible the situation is at the moment. But this one, I'm hitting a dead end.

I believe my work is affected by my judgement: that I hate communicating with them cause they seem to always ignore me, I hate them changing plans all the time, I hate them rejecting my proposal and not giving any feedback to fix the problem. It's so so hard to connect and work with them that at one point, I begin to doubt my self. Am I not good enough? Am I not being clear about the goal and how we planed to achive it? Am I, not capable of managing this brand? It's all negativity clouding my mind for a couple of days before I realised that this was not only my responsibilities. If I want to make it work, if WE want to make it work, both parties need to be working together.

I honestly don't know how to make both parties working together. I guess, in this case, I have to detach my personal creativities aside. After several times getting rejected, it's time to surrender and follow the flow. This is not my favorite way of doing my job. But things must be done. And for now, what I think the best doesn't make the cut to their mind.

I come to an understanding that if I'm not happy working with them, it will be reflected in my works. Let's pray that I will solve this matter soon.

Monday, August 28, 2017

Carrie On Monday: Other's Perspective

pic from

This is a video I accidentaly stumbled last week. I was aimlessly browsing through TED playlist when a title caught my attention. I spent the rest of the day listening to several TED's videos that related to this video. Please enjoy this. You may replay it for 2 or 3 times to really absorb the message, just like I did ;)