Just last week I had an intense wave of emotion saying I should not wish for anything good in life. It's rooting deep, since the past was not the most glimmering story you'd hear on a get together with friends or (especially) family. No one is interested in sappy, quiet story of mending a broken spirit. No one is interested on nursing an isolated child, day by day, step by step, it's a lot of task. No one is interested in learning your shade of greys, for it's easier to put them in either white or black.
Why is it so hard to shake all of those hurt and stubbornly only live by yourself? Why do I think of you during the blur of my days? I was desperately asking God to remove affection from my heart. I fear it will kill me in the near future. I fear it leads me to stray: to greedily consume every bit of it. I kept thinking the origin of this all, all came back to loving too much and not being loved enough. The yin and yang. The fuckin' black and white.
This is a rant, a cluttering thoughts. I feel restless to the point of not feeling anything at all. Where will I end up this time around?
