Calm

I'm still waiting for the sun to shine

giving life to the ruins of mine

But this time,

it's not going as planned

Anger slips and expands

replaces a lil soul with a loaded gun

I lost conscious of being a man

All I can hear is just a static sound

I start to think I may be gone

since all the roads lead to slump

My heart stops beating a drum

They pop me just like a strawberry gum

About This Morning

I do wish that I don't have to wake up this morning. A dream about meeting Alex is just too sweet sweet sweet I'm drown in the pool of honey. My admiration to Alex is beyond his look (and his well fitted leather pants). Thanks to his poetic song writing skill, I realise that romance is my life long obsession. Romance as in beautifully composed love letter or poet, not my personal life. Remember a professional love letter writer, Theodore, from Her? That's exactly it.

But I did wake up this morning, with grey cloud heavily covered the entire sky.  My favorite time of the day is around 5 AM, where the air is cool and the wind is breezy. It's the perfect time to sleep with the window open, and Dustin O'Halloran's Opus 23 playing in the background. The cloudy weather this morning was such a treat. It stretched my 5AM to a full 3 hours bliss, before I finally decided to went to the shower and got ready for work. That and the thought of meeting Alex. A girl can't ask anything better than this cosmic conspiration on a Monday morning.

I started the morning slow and steady. I was taking my time doing everything. It almost felt as if I lived in a bubble where this good mood going full bloom inside my head and my chest. I didn't even worry about getting late to the office. Hahaha. And nothing could ruin my happiness for the rest of the day.

About Last Night

I had quite a sweet dream last night. I met Alex (Turner) at a studio where he did a photoshoot for Arctic Monkeys newest album. We were chatting and laughing about something. I'm pretty sure we were close, observing from our gesture and how carefree he was around me. At the end of the convo, I wished him good luck on his album with the monkeys that will be launched next month, on May 11th. He smiled, saying he'd be looking forward to see me around that day.

That morning I woke up with the widest smile on my face. And nothing could ruin my happiness for the whole day :D (<< that was how wide I smiled for the whole day)

Low Battery

Sometimes I wish it's okay to selfishly be gone for a day. Disappearing not because I want to go, but rather because I will always come back. Sometimes I get way too many stuff on my plate, that I can't really remember what I want to eat in the first place. Sometimes I need to clear everything up so I understand which one is my priority. Sometimes I need to reboot, or, even better, an overnight software upgrade.

I need to be away, sometimes, to untangle the thread and turn it into a beautiful cloth.

3 Days Capitol

I couldn't believe my very first trip in 2018 was my least favorite town in Indonesia. It was unexpected, out of the blue trip that when my boss came out with the idea, my jaw dropped so dang hard.

Well, uhm.

I'm not gonna go into detail why I don't really dig this one city because we tend to fall in love with something we overly dislike (right? RIGHT?). So let's leave it that way. Beside, that was a business trip, so I didn't expect much of free time. It was work work work and run run run. At the end of the day, I didn't have any reason to be grumpy (because that was not my ideal first trip of the year in which I'd be inspired and zened for the rest of the year aka coming back to Ubud). I felt, so grateful that I was given this opportunity to meet new people, to expand my wings, to handle bigger deal. I'm blessed. Truly. You can look me in the eyes while I'm saying this. I'm not gonna flinch. This is no fabrication ;)

And as I said, the trip was all work work work and run run run. We started the day at 7 AM, spending average 1.5 - 2 hours on the road to our 9 AM meeting. Breakfast on the go, sometimes no breakfast at all. Then we had to hustle to the next meeting around 11 AM cause if we were late just for a bit, we'll be stuck at the traffic for another hour. Again, lunch on the go or no lunch at all. Hahaha, I should be skin and bones if I do live in that city. I will always skip meal to avoid traffic.Then we had to hurry again to the next destination cause there would be massive traffic jam at 4 PM, when everybody out on the road, trying to get home. So far, as long as we sticked to the "time management", we didn't end up rotting on the street of The Capitol. But boy, what a way of living they lead, every single day. I was so happy it's only a 3 days trip. I couldn't handle anymore than that for now. I needed to breath.

Now that I'm back to Surabaya, sitting peacefully at the corner of a coffee shop, reminiscing those 3 days at The Capitol, I feel somewhat grateful. When I think about my journey that lead me to where I am today, it's always started with doing something I don't really favor, something I avoid as much as I can. All of those experimental moments, while begging my ego to be patience and hold on to this journey, have brought me a lot of amazing things. Somethings that I thought I needed forever to achieve yet I got a chance to reach it sooner. How did it feel at first? Strange, uncertain, scary. Like going on sailing on a kayak. How does it feel today? Challenging, exciting. Like going on sailing on kayak with turbo machine and life guard jacket. 3 days at The Capitol brought me a lot of nostalgic feelings about insecurity and being in a strange land.

So I guess, I will gladly accept any opportunities that offer me a chance to keep on growing, while still sticking to my root and maintaining my vision about life in general. I'm glad I'm not saying no out of fear :)