hey, i am really sorry

first of all, i am about asking for your apologies oh maybe begging for your apologies is the right one.

forgive me for being such an imature human ever. i know i avoided to be an adult all the time. i tried to avoid. but one thing i am believing now is being mature and being an adult is completely two different things. because age is just numbers. maturity, in the other hand, is about how you control your self. i am far away from the maturity because many times i just simply lose control. and drive you crazy in the end. so, sorry..

forgive me for being such a chiken because i do not apologize directly, face to face. i am not afraid of saying it right to you eyes. i am afraid of losing control of my self. i am afraid i hurt you deeper than i've done. fyi, i've been thinking about this the whole night (well, i am sorry for breaking my promise not to waste my bed time to you. i have a good reason for it) and i concluded that you are too kind to be hurted by someone like me and you shouldnt talk to a badass like me anymore. enough for breaking anyone's heart. so, sorry..

and the last one, forgive me to write the whole thing here, online. i know you hate publicity and so do i. this is really not my style, our style to communicate. so, let me end it here..

i may not be on my knees when i ask this to you. but i mean it from the deepest of my heart. i hope you feel what i feel to you..

finger crossed..

read read read : yotsuba & !

you'll be surprised how easy you fall for this little miss sunshine. yotsuba is a young, naive, and pure kid who lives with her only daddy. her life is simple and funny yet sometimes it becomes complicated because of her purity. i always love the way she comes up with her own thoughts about life and the way she celebrate her life every morning. it's just, i cant be someone like her even if i really really want to. okay this is the confession : i envy her. i envy her simply life. she is someone whom i always wanna be, i try to be.. i don't know if a fiction character will make a big influence for someone's life but this yotsuba just did it to me. i still think this is very odd (she isn't even real!) but what can i say?

broke heart? feeling blue? this comic is a perfect remedy for you guys ;) soooo very recommended reading. six stars :D

i WANT this

aaah my birthday had already passed!!

human

r : it doesnt matter. it's not like it changes anything.

h : but everything's changed.

r : because i know?

h : no, because of the time you've spent together. before the two of you came down, he was so nervous. not about being sick, but because of how much he wanted to spend time with you, and wanted everything to go well. i dont think you realize how much he misses you, or how much he really loves you and jonah. he was literally counting the days. when i'd see him, he'd say, 'nineteen days' or 'twelve days'. and the day before you arrived? he spent hours cleaning the house and putting new sheets on the beds. i know the place isnt much, but if you'd seen it before, you'd understand. he wanted the two of you to have a summer to remember, and he wanted to be part of that. like all parents, he wants you to be happy. he wants to know that you are going to be okay. he wants to know that you'll make good decisions. that's what he needed this summer, and that's what you've given him.

r : but i havent always made good decisions..

h : all that shows is that you are human. he never expected perfection.........
(the last song by nicholas sparks page 376 up to 377)

ps : gonna finish the book soon. i cant help to cry in that part of conversation..