summer heat

let's go out and play!

iam a dreamer. big time. i enjoy picturing my self 10 years from now. where will i live? how do things go? have i been from Venice? will i finally find someone to spend the rest together? who am i?

for the last, maybe, 6 years i dream to be a public accountant. i'll be living in London, owning a nice tropical house with super size garden, thou i dont do gardening that much hahaa. maybe i'll write for a financial magazine and keep on dreaming about building my own clothing line. i think that will be enough. that will be fine with me. or maybe that's what mom once said.

how human change, sometime quite surprise me. i mean, i understand how life works. me my self dont expect to be forever save in this comfort zone. i dont expect a happy life forever and ever because that's not the point of this game. nah. it's just surprising that my dear God drops the bomb now, when iam not yet twenty, iam still working on my transcript, and iam far away from ready. he was like coming to me, slapped me in the face and said that i waste my time just to keep dreaming and never tried to make it come true. so there he gave me this opportunity, a shot to make it happen. make my deepest dream to come true. i was paralysed.

when i entered colleague, i applied for accounting and turned out not to get a spot. so i applied for economics, which i didnt have a single idea what to do with it. i was accepted and found out that studying one important aspect in everyday life could give me a brand new point of view. it was before i found out the classes were boring to hell. i couldnt just sit and listen to someone babbling about how the market works. it's boring and unproductive. how was i supposed to concentrate my mind to the lectures while i kept imagining my lunch menu which was more tempting, of course. and at the very peak of the depression, he drops the bomb. and iam blowing away. dad came to me and said that i could start organising my own clothing line. i was speechless. i never imagine things like this actually happen in my life. the next thing i knew was telling one of my  best friend and she said she would love to join me. HA! my sister told me later that of course she would take apart in this project. HAHA! i cant ask for more.

after months of struggling and joy, i launched my first collection inspired by active young people in urban city early this month. i concern about the comfort and flexibility of the outfit in simple design yet still got style. i wont say this will be easy for me, for us. and i understand that not all people got the idea of the concept. i dont care. i just want to keep on going and take a good care of my baby. i wont say that this gift will make me leave school or else. dad trust me to get this so i dont want to let him down by leaving what he's been working so hard for. i'll finish the school then the rest will be pretty much up to me. i dont want to hurry my self taking decisions now. i'll take time. and keep growing :)

yes, wish us a good luck and a good journey ahead and a click to my clothing line's blogspot to see the full collection. cheers :))

life goes on

ever feel like doubting yourself?

for me, going to college is one of criteria to have a success life. once you enter a good college, get got mark, cum laude, that's enough to reach 'a complete package of young excecutive' (plus being married by a good future man- good financial, good look, good attitude, good kisser-before 25 and have a twin ). that's what mom and dad figure about ideal life (c'on, i live in a development country which think we are moderate enough but to be truth still stick on what the olds say). i was so positive about college if it means supporting my future carrier. i was the one who be very sure about entering economics and being a good economics consultant. of course my parents was happy about this because they thought i already found out what i wanna be.

it all changes once i doubt my self. once i questioned, 'do i really wanna do this?'. once i felt that, this would take me nowhere. once i felt bored when this should be fun. iam scared.

i don't wanna be someone who go to college just to get a title. i want to learn something that i believe can help others. but look at me now. iam exactly that kind of person. i lost my passion of this and i have no idea what to do, to make it on fire once again. this is tiring. doing something halfheartedly and on the other side, dad works so hard so i get a good education (for a good future's sake of course). iam such an ungrateful person. this feels the same as betraying my parents trust. oh god. iam so awful.

i never ever imagine this like this would happen to me. i keep on asking my self, 'what the hell is going on with you dummy?!'. i can talk about this to mom or dad or even both of them. just, not today. i don't want to trouble them with this-feels-so-immature-stuffs. hello, iam turning 20 this year (i hate saying this. i mean, writing this). i secretly hope that mom and dad find this blog and read what iam writing right now. then it'll be so much easier. i always get problem with words (specially say it out loud). but maybe later. maybe when iam 25 or something. when i've figured it out and proudly say that i can handle things by my self. not to be chocky ;p

dearest mom and dad,


to let you down is never be a pride for me. i WANT to make you proud and happy as you please, as you always want and imagine from a child of yours. i want to be whatever you want me to be, whatever you imagine me to be. this is hard for me. but i promise i figure it out. i promise you to go back on track and speed to the finish line. maybe this is a beginning of something good. maybe this is how god works. it's just the matter of time 'till i find my way back. a turning point.


you know i love you even i never say it loud.


yours truly :*


PS : i'll launch my own clothing line at the beginning of April. please be my guest :)

talk about nothing

hello..

so, here iam sitting peacefully with grande caramel black tea at my very favorite place after home, skipping my daily routine.

 it's a nice day. a lil cloudy and enough sun. 

wind blows quite heavy. all i want to do is humming Baby, It's Cold Outside while writing this.

i should have gone working out by now. i never skip even once. but, today, i feel like loosing it all and enjoy my day. i even am planning on skipping class later hahaaa... i usually pretty strict about my daily routine since i like doing it so much. but maybe, i'll just go  home and have nap with my windows widely open so the breeze comes in playing with my hair while iam going on a great adventure in dream world.

taken by me using ipod's camera edited in snapseed only. i LOVE snapseed <3

yes yes, iam going to have a  very nice day. wish you do so :)

twinkle little stars

how i wonder what you are..

iam feeling.....