Checkpoint

I guess, I finally come to an understanding that kindness will not always be rewarded with kindness. At least that's how it goes on human relationship. So I tell my self that being kind should be something I selfishly choose to do every single chance I have. I shouldn't measure the impact I get from doing that. I should just do it like I'm breathing; on repeat.

That Late February

I heard this song when I stretched after my Monday work out. This song gives me lyfeeee instantly. Love.

The Captain of The Boat

Last week has been one of challenging week for me. I was in charge of the office due to my boss business trip to Jakarta. And boy, it ain't easy peasy.

I always have this vision of a friendly leader. I don't wanna be snobby or bossy cause I'd been working for one in the past and it felt like hell. I want to be a leader that is not scared of, someone who cares and listens and most importantly, be able to direct my co-worker to a better path for their career. 

I set a pretty high bar, eh? Haha.

Well, I guess I wasn't doing good enough despite my crystal clear vision. I was overwhelmed by the amount of work I had to do, not to mention controlling every division and checking on every body's work. And I had my own projects to run too. And I had to prepare briefing material for the new employees. And I had to remind my self not to skip breakfast and take vitamins since I was most likely get a flu. The list goes on.

But no, this is not a complaining post. I write this solely to remind my future self that being a good leader is a lot of work. Sometimes we need to consider several impact of our own action to the other co-workers. Sometimes we have to consider their personal feelings. Will they take it the hard way if I'm being blunt about their sloping performance? Will they see the vision you see? Will they understand that you being strict to them is for their own professional track record? Will they accept that going the extra mile is not the same with extra tasks? Walking between the lines is one risky job. But I think that's a responsibility a leader bear.

At the end of the week, I come to understanding that a good leader is not a night in the making. It's probably like a good wine. It takes time. It needs a good maintain from the inside and out. It needs supportive environment.

I feel so relieve my boss is now back in the city. I guess, I still need a little help here and there.

;)

Escaping My Mind

I'm sick of Surabaya. It's been more than 3 months without travelling and I am dryyyyyyyyy like a cactus I keep by the pond at home. I want to go out so so bad. I want to be somewhere far from familiarity.

I'm not going to UFF this year. Sad, but it's a solid decision I make cause I want to be 100% present during my new position's prohibition. I want this position so much, I need to compromise with my inner self. But but but I'm planning to go for Art Jog. Finger crossed. Excited. Can't wait.

Half Full Glass

 

What's wrong with time? How come it passes in the blink of an eye? I can't really accept it's almost the end of February. Where have I been these past 1 and a half month?

January was an interesting start of a new year. I began working in a new position and it's been a fun learning process. I was faced with many of my fear, including leading a team and handling mad clients. I'm proudly say, I'm doing pretty good hehe. It feels so nice to be in a environment where everyone is supportive towards each other. It feels so nice that every achievement is being respected and acknowledge. I have to say that I can respect myself better, in a way that is unselfish and mature.

February is another challenge for me. Business is in its peak with Valentine's Day and Chinese New Year Celebration around the corner. When I was in the busiest hour, I went full autopilot. I had no clear conscious of what I did or how I survived the high season. Is it weird? Or is it a tired mind speaking? Haha. I feel relieved that it's all over now, and I can finally take back my peaceful Sunday morning. But hey, suddenly, it's entering the end of February. For the next 5 days, it's gonna be another crazy packed schedule at the office. I don't even want to imagine how I'm gonna deal with all of the pressure. Thankfully, this weekend has been a relaxing one for me, hanging out with my best friends and my brother, watching bad tv, eating instant noddle. I'm pretty much ready for whatever comes in my way tomorrow.

It's save to say that for the next 2 years, it will be full about work work work. I feel a lil bit sorry for my self, to be honest. Well, probably because there's nothing really going on in my personal life aside from my career. But on the other side, I'm so so grateful that I've been given a chance to pursue what I want, what I dream. I know I need a lot of catching up to do, because I'm fully aware of my goals before I hit 30. Is it too ambitious for a girl? Well, I have to be. I quit doing things the way other's want. It's never too ambitious, never too high, never too late. Dreaming is free after all. The hustles come in different package. I don't want to look back and realise that I'm not going all out for my dream. But I'm not gonna lie, that I start to long for a companion that share the same vision with me. Like Carrie said, someone not to tame, but to run wildly together. It will be so nice if I can share the dream with someone. It will be nice if we can travel all the possibilities together. Now, I blame Acha for making me this sentimental. She's been nothing but a bundle of happiness ever since the marriage. And I'm, so so happy for her.

Now I miss her again huhu :(

Btw, I want to share some great IG accounts that I find really inspirational. I've learnt a great deal through those accounts and I hope it can inspire you too.

Gak perlu ribet kalau emang mau berubah. Gak perlu banyak alasan kalau emang mau maju hidupnya. Lakukan dulu satu hal baik, dan gua percaya hal baik lainnya akan ngikut. Ga percaya, nih TRUE STORY dari gua. _ Gua sempet share ini di akun gua yg lebih ‘femes’ nan ‘cetar’ @captainruby, walaupun sebenernya gua masih remah-remah abon dibanding foodbloher ternama ibu kota. Ok, lets save that for next time nanti melenceng. Hahaha. Ini ceritanya. _ I was overweight back in 2015. Bertahun-tahun biarin aja menggemuk dengan alasan “job hazard”. Ya kerjaannya moto makanan, ya begini deh. Tanpa gua sadari ini ngaruh kemana-mana. Kerja jadi slow. Napas lebih terengah-engah. Cepet capek. Ga bisa ngerjain banyak hal. Mood lebih sering jumpalitan. Lalu ga pede karena mesti milih banget outfit yg keliatan gembul. I’m sure a lot of you can relate with this. _ Lalu karena ngelirik temen gue Miss Fia Van Burren lagi diet Mayo, gua penasaran dan cobain juga. This was back in 2015. It was my birthday, and gua bingung mau reward diri sendiri apa. So, I took the Mayo challenge. Fast forward dua minggu kemudian, entah bagaimana magic nya, gua kurusan hampir 4 KG. Gue terusin lagi nambah sebulan clean eating, dan total setelah hampir dua bulan gua lebih ringan 7KG. And guess what? Gua merasa hidup gua ikut lebih ringan juga. _ Satu hal baik tadi akhirnya berlanjut ke hal baik lain. Gua perform better at work. Gua lebih seger dan bisa ngerjain lebih banyak hal. Gua lebih happy karena uda ga ribet lagi make baju apa. Everything fits! Dan itu ngasih confidence yang ngefek ke mana mana. _ Semuanya dimulai dari sebuah keputusan untuk memulai SATU HAL BAIK. The rest will follows. Gua ga sabar menghadiahkan diri gua sesuatu yg keren di ulang tahun gua nanti bulan September. 😊😊😊 _ Nah, yang Januari kemarin udah barengan mau ikutan perjalanan #belajarberkaryaberbagi di 2018, gimana kabarnya? Apa satu hal baik yg sedang lo kerjakan? Uda mulai nyatet pengeluaran dengan apps? Uda mulai berhemat dan nabung? Uda explore passion lo? _ Let me hear your story! Mau juga kan menghadiahkan diri lo sendiri satu hal baik? _ #belajarberkaryaberbagi #lifeskills #millenialmentor #fellexandroruby

A post shared by Fellexandro Ruby (@fellexandro) on Feb 15, 2018 at 3:26am PST

Kalau kalian akrab dg apps pencatat pengeluaran, atau mungkin kalian sendiri lagi pake skrg. . . Gini, beberapa waktu lalu ada perusahaan fintech lokal akhirnya menutup unit bisnis ini. Alasannya? Karena ternyata, dari 60,000 user (mostly Jakarta), hanya ada 500-an user yg mau mencatat pengeluarannya secara konsisten dlm waktu lebih dari 3 bulan. . . Means, ga nyampe 1% ya. Jadi, menurut kalian, masih relevan gak sih ngumpul-ngumpulin bon & nyatet-nyatet pengeluaran kayak teori-teori yg selama ini diamini banyak orang? . Diskusi dikolom komen ya...

A post shared by Jouska (@jouska_id) on Feb 5, 2018 at 4:47pm PST

Belakangan berkebun jadi lebih menyenangkan. Hasil panen di musim panas kali ini ternyata berlimpah banget 😍 Setiap minggunya pasti ada aja kelebihan kale, zucchini, spinach, mustard, rocket, bok choy, daun bawang, tomat dan wah masih banyak lagi. Kadang enek juga makan variasi zucchini dari gorengan sampe pasta selama sebulan haha. Temen-temen dan tetanggapun akhirnya jadi ‘korban’ surplus sayuran #rarabenhomegarden. Beberapa dari mereka rutin berkunjung ke rumah buat panen sendiri sayur mayur mingguannya #partisipatoris, ga lupa restock sambal bu rara atau bapa ben yang lagi in season 😂🔥 #itslit . Gatau kenapa tapi semenjak belajar berkebun, masak & bikin kue, jadi merasa kalau berbagi makanan & masakan adalah salah satu hal yang paling bikin bahagia dalam hidup belakangan ini. Selain ena, kenyang, belajar resep baru, juga bikin hati penuh dan merasa kalau semua udah cukup. 👩🏻‍🌾🌱👨🏻‍🌾

A post shared by Rara Sekar (@rarasekar) on Feb 2, 2018 at 3:52am PST

Hair Cut: A Silent Statement of Revelation

Hair is never a big deal for me. But it does have a big role in my life. Over the year, I've been cutting my hair for different reasons. Mostly because I'm bored. Sometimes, it holds deeper meaning behind.

Back in 2015, I cut my hair right after I finished my thesis defence. I cut my curly beautiful shinny waist long hair to a shoulder lenght bob. At first I didn't feel anything, but 30 minutes later, a wave of shock started to hit my shore. It was so short, the shortest I'd been in 4.5 years. And I felt like I lost something. Then I remembered why in the first place I got a haircut: to take charge of my life. I was nervous. It was consider a very bold move, because my mother made it really clear that "I better maintain my beautiful long hair", I look more feminine that way. But as a 21 years old girl who about to taste the bitter sweet of real life after college, I believed I entitle to make the call: long or short hair. That moment, I decide that I can style my hair however I like and it has to represent who I am.

The change was necessary, at least for me. I think I always mark a momentum with something that I know will stay with me, like my hair, so I can remember what I want to achieve in the future. I actually think about a tattoo too but, I don't have the guts to make one. Well, not yet. Haha.

I thought a lot about why that hair cut was a revelation for me. Then I went back to the last 4.5 years, to those confusing years. Years I spent questioning and loosing my way. Years I felt so alone, like never before. I tried so so hard to chase happiness that I forgot what happiness was in the first place. Then I tried so hard to define happiness and got lost in translation. I think those years is the perfect visualisation of young, dumb and confused. No, it should be young, dumb, confused and greedy haha. At the end, I decided that I needed to graduate as fast as I could. I needed to get out of the cage and saw the world with my own eyes, widen my horizon. I needed to go slow, one question at the time. Beside, I had all the time in the world, what's the hurry?

One thing I remember clearly about that day I cut my hair short: I felt so relieve. My head felt so light. When I looked in the mirror, I felt like I was finally finding another piece of myself. I felt a little braver. And happy. I felt like half of my burden and my problem was got cut along with the hair. I felt like tearing down the wall between who I thought I was and who I aspired to be. The thought of my mother's reaction was probably the last thing I remember after the cut. I just felt like at that time, I celebrated myself.

After that moment, I cut my hair several times. I like super short bob so much, so easy to maintain and styled. I questioned myself on how I survived 4 freakin' years with waist long hair because it's a lot of hassle, compared to my sweet short bob. But well, every haircut has its own glory. I used to love that curly long hair so much, before I let it go for good.

Now I decide to grow back my hair. I guess I miss having long hair so I can braid it into piggy tails. Or, it's probably the season for me to embrace part of myself that I secretly scared of: young, dumb, confused and greedy. Or probably, I just want to practice my patience by growing it back waist lenght. Whatever my true reason is, I believe I will enjoy the ride. I'm too old to make a big fuss of a bad hair cut. I'll make it work, somehow.

But if you know me, you probably know it's always about a little bit of everything, here and there ;)