26

I've been thinking real hard on what I will write on this post to mark D-30 until my birthday. Last year's note was so so good and full of self reflections, full of emotions and changes. It doesn't mean that it stops now. It's just, I feel more settled as an adult that I don't experience as many turbulences as last year. I have decided on things, I guess. Or, is it the opposite? This settling feeling, is it maybe because I'm no longer exploring?

I think, this is probably a phase where I just go for it. I kind of figure out what I want to be, who I want to be. All that's left is go for it. Go for it really hard. So hard you have nothing else on your mind but pushing every single muscle on your body to make it work work work. Then I will fall asleep with oily face unwashed and a kitten sits on my chest, demanding attention. I wake up with super tired feeling, as if I don't get a rest. Then I will hurry to prepare my self for work. Am I lost in this wave of the ocean? Does my ship get carried away? I do go for it but, do I remember why? Do I remember the big goal I aim? It's kinda scary how easy things slip out of our hands, our attention. Everyday becomes only a blur scene of routine. And at the end of the day, you're one of CPU that demands to be reboot cause the disk is almost full.

And you thought the hardest part is figuring out what you want in this world. Holding on to your big plan is harder. Running to every open door with all you might is harder. You thought you settle, but it's just a beginning baby.