Subtle Happiness

It's been quite inside my mind. Which is rather a surprise for me. I don't particularly feel anything, but I'm aware I've been watching out my stream of thought, as it goes up and down and probably in between. I'm fine. I don't think it's necessary to conclude anything from this stand. I just want to lay facing up the sky, let the flow carry my body as far as I let myself be. I just want to be here, right now, telling myself to stay still and enjoy the day.

My life has been good. I finally find back my rhythm. I'm happy cause I can sleep early and wake up feeling rested. I'm happy cause I'm back practicing yoga. I even challenge myself to do 15 minutes morning walk before work. It works magic on me, since I have sometime to process my thoughts before starting my day.

I also reliase that I talk in more honesty with my friends. I'm opening up, little by little, showing my true character. And to my surprise, their atittude don't change toward me. They probably know who Iam all along hahaha, but it's me who hadn't got it back then. This feels freeing. I feel like finding puzzle that matches my edges. It's nice to have friends.

Work has been so enjoyable. Being in the new team, I have no issues fitting in with the people. Basically because they're just like me haha. I can't stop feeling grateful for this opportunity. Truly. I say it to all of my friends, yet I feel it's not enough.

Actually, it feels weird that I find my self being in a good place. Hahaha. Only lord knows what kind of state I was in for feeling that way cause honestly, I didn't quite understand myself. But now, it's as if I have this faith that whatever comes in the future, I will always try my best to handle it. If I bleed, I'll find ways to heal. If I fall, I'll learn to climb back. If I'm anxious, I'll breath.

Possibilities are endless and I'm not deciding on anything, yet. I just want to take in as much as I can. It's just like those sky I trace every morning during m walk: my mind looks spacious and clear.

Then I breath in.

Unplugged

It's been around 10 days since I started a new routine. I got out of quarantine to start a new job, in hope to secure my life financially and to break out of boredom. What I experience so far is more than my expectation. I've been mentaly calm, that's a big relieve. Thou I have to make big change such as waking up earlier and trying to go to bed before 11 PM, so far I can manage to keep up. I feel so proud of myself as I'm writing this hahaha.

Some of my friends heard about my new job. They've been congratulating me, saying that I deserve tha chance I get. I do feel lucky, despite the pandemic and crisis in the country, I get hired to do what I like to do: creating. I'm grateful beyond words. If I do deserve this, I'll make sure to make it worth it. I'll make sure to repay the kind opportunity given by God.

What can I do thou? Hmmm. I guess, I'll start by letting go the anger I keep in my heart. I'll learn to accept that I don't need it to be a stronger person. I'll learn to forget, cause it's part of forgiving: both myself and them. By doing so, I hope I have more space for kindness in my heart. And when God decides to shower me love, I'm ready to receive it gently.