on the top of the world

 

january of 2015 is almost over. I cant believe it passes by the blink of the eyes. I've been so absorbed by my final assignment that Iam scared if I do anything else I cant make it to the thesis defence by the end of this month. so I didnt go anywhere on chrismast and new year holiday, staying home, enjoying the garden my mom and dad worked on for several weeks, baking more (still not really good thou), worrying about school and stay up late reading shoujo manga cause apparently, my life is so dull haha.

I dont do new year resolutions. long term plan seems never working on me so I always set goals for several months ahead, 2 months top. kind of bulding little stones one by one at the moment, all for the bigger dream I want to make it true.

talk about dream, I feel really worry lately. soon I'll be finishing my school and I have to prepare what's next I want to do with my time on earth. I have several plans, ofcourse. what's been bugging me is the fear that Iam failling to make it work. this probably part of being a pesimist and optimistist at the same time. since I watched Mr. Nobody, I've been super aware that there are a lot of possibilities in this life and every chance have the same possibility to come true. whenever Iam facing life changing situation, I always torn between the best and the worst possibilities. I imagine every possibility possible to happen in my head, even the worst of the worst (I dont imagine the best of the best possibility cause, well, I dont want to expect much of it). I dont really understand why Iam doing this to my self. the best conclusion I can think of is this is kind of self defence, where I prepare my self to either fail or succeed. if I succeed, that it's a good thing but if I fail, I wont be so surprise anymore, I wont be too disappointed? I mean, I predicted it in my head before, so it's something I know is coming my way. oh, contradictions...

generally, I wish this year will be the year I finally stand on my on two feet. I want to experience a life where Iam fully a grown up by earning my own money and spend it on a good investment or two. and by investment, so far in my list is a pair of chelsea boots and a nice private walking closet.

ps: just remembered I went out of town on january 2nd with my family to celebrate new year. we didnt spend the night there but it's a reallyyy nice short trip that I managed to go the a place that's been on my list last year. super happy!
pps: that's what the pictures is about ;) ;)