Top Happy Spa Needed

Here is my blogpost draft from November 18th 2019

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Hi! It's November alreadyyyyyyy. Oh wow, I'm freaking out a lil bit haha. Well, well, what am I doing here? It's office hour and I have this urge to write.

Lately I write less. I don't even write poetry much. I've been busy being worry and stressed, I guess? Hahaha. It's so scary how far your mind can wonder, how much pressure it produces for yourself. I spend most of my time zoning out, there's million things on my mind at the same time, and I keep thinking I have to find the solutions for everything myself. I spend some nights awake, my body is tired but my mind won't shut the freak up. It keeps running through all the things I have to do,    memories from the past, blurry images I once saw. It truly works like a broken record. I spend most of my morning waking up with headache, wishing that I can just skip whatever I have to do and stay at bed, hiding under the blanket. I write less, not because I don't want to. More because I feel, this situation numb me so bad, I have a hard time put them into words.

I feel miserable and uninspired. I hate feeling that way. Which only makes me hating myself for being in this state. The thought of being incapable of controlling my own self dominates me. I'm beating myself out, hard, and apologetically.

Naturally, I will try to find what I do wrong that I end up in this path. But I guess, not anymore? I don't wanna tip toe in between thin glass for the rest of my life, constantly being scare of doing something that may break the glass. This time, if it has to break, then let it break. If I have to build it up from the beginning, yet again, I'll do that too.

All of this worries and restlessness come from a place where I don't believe in myself, my decision, my journey. I've been busy for quite sometimes that I don't listen to my mind and my body. .I should back off and give myself a space, so that I can come back to who I am.