Trancendency

That's it. I just broke up with my 3.5 years job.

Yesterday was Monday and I didn't start my day happily. I woke up to a stuffed nose, dizzy head and under eye bags. The thought hadn't came across until I felt very weak and vomited my dinner, just right before breakfast. And that's that. I'd enough. I wanted out.

The last 2 months naturally was the busiest season of the year. And with all the buzzing, came along stress and sleepless nights. By now, it becomes really clear for me to map out my habit: I get busy, I get tired, I sleep less, I work out harder to channel the stress, I eat recklessly, I get sick, I get frustrated, repeat. It's been a cycle for the past 3 years. At least 2 twice a year I get dragged to this tornado of pursuing passion and make dreams come true. This year, I didn't make it out alive. I wanted out.

The whole year of 2019 had been a rocky road. It hit me hard from the very start then continue to challenge me in every turn. I knew I was a fighter, so I put up with all the shites. I sucked all the uncomfortable feelings cause that's how you grow. I swallowed the pain killer every time I felt like breaking down in tears and gave everything up. Now I can't even say I still believe all of those. I grew tired with the battle. It's a vicious cycle. I wanted out.

So I did. I told my boss I couldn't stay anymore. I wanted out. I looked at her in the eyes, feeling guilty and failing. But my decision was firm. I wanted out.