Hotter Than Ever

It's been exceptionally hot and humid here in Surabaya. The sky is turning greyer and greyer everyday and finally, yesterday, it rained a little. But other than that 60 minutes bliss when the air was slightly cooler, it's been super hot and humid. I feel like I can't properly breath.

Other than the less interesting weather forecast here in Surabaya, it's 7 days before UWRF 2017! Super duper excited. I check my calendar every morning to count down till the departure day. Only 7 hot and humid day left in Surabaya and I'll be off to a much friendlier weather, finger crossed.

The hot weather really annoys me to the point where I don't feel like going anywhere but lying by the pond on weekend, eating watermelon(s) and sipping ice coffee. And I'm also so sick of my phone and instagram and email so I purposely let my phone died during the day. I read instead.

This book I read is a New York Times best seller, like years ago, and I have to say that it's bloody good. Like 9/10 good. And I just read it now. Where have I been? Geez. It's Crazy Rich Asians by Kevin Kwan and I think I'll get the 2nd book later this weekend. The story is about a young billionaire who falls in love with an Economic professor. His family doesn't approve of the girl because of some cultural obstacles, something like legacy, blood lines and Ming Dynasty, oh and also, money. What makes it interesting, in my opinion, is the multi perspectives Kevin serve in every chapter. Here we have an Asian boy who basically spend most of his adulthood in America, living in American way and eating American cheese bagel. On the other hands, we have a bunch of Asian billionaire who has 3 things in their minds: investment, designer pieces and beneficial marriage. And trapped in between all of that is a Guangdong immigrant who is raised by a single mom, independently making a living in New york and madly fall in love with the Asian boy, mad enough to go to a summer vacay half the world away to meet the boy's family which the boy rarely talk about and she never even have a phone conversation before. That's wild. If there's anything I learn from the book, it will be to run a background check on my potential life partner, just in case. A girl needs to be prepared for the worst.

Changing of Season

So I told my self I needed a break.

My mind is practically a tangled threat for a couple of months. It's obvious, since I've been complaining since July. Haha.

I'm having an endless train of thought and I feel like I've been thinking hard to find an answer, a solution, a scarp of hope in this dark tunnel. I also start to write a journal every time I feel like I may 'explode' with emotions. Yes, I'm trying my hardest to keep writing even thou it's not here since I know it's something soothing for my mind. A girl needs to find a grip to keep functioning everyday, after all.

Some thoughts can be really intense some night, that I feel an extreme sadness and confusion. So I end up staying late, watching my favorite comedy romance or reading some books or writing, anything to loosen up and take off my mind of the problem just for a while. I know and I completely understand that I have to be strong and holding on as long as I can. This shall pass, I tell myself. This is another phase that I have to go through to be a better version of me. This is hard and tiring, but I know I'm strong enough to handle this, even thou I have to crawl to get out of this mess. 

A side from all the un-fun story, I'm looking forward for UWRF 2017 this year. I booked my ticket and pretty much ready to jet off tehehe. I'm planning to take a meditation class too, but haven't decided where. Ugh, so excited!

Detachment

I still feel a little off up until these last days of August. Summer is stealing my energy and my spirit, taking them away as the sunny days starting to grow gloomier. I've done everything in my power to restore my mojo, but it seems like it won't go away, this restless feeling. I wonder, do I get bored with life?

August has been tiring. I experienced a lot of new things: dealing with dissapoinment, encouranging my own self when nobody seems to get it, being as professional as I can be when facing client's high expectation, maintaining their expectation, keeping up with time, and so on and so on. I can't seem to find a moment to breath, which remind me with a moment I had in my previous job. The same feeling, the same struggle. I don't know. I think it's just me being tired that I can't really think clearly. That's it. I should have stop thinking for a while, just for a while so my tiny brain can get a break from the fast pace of my thoughts stream.

There's one case that I want to share. I've been stressing out about one particular client lately. Somehow, I can't really find the fun part of working with them. It's strange for me since I can always find one or two fun parts of working with everyone, no matter how terrible the situation is at the moment. But this one, I'm hitting a dead end.

I believe my work is affected by my judgement: that I hate communicating with them cause they seem to always ignore me, I hate them changing plans all the time, I hate them rejecting my proposal and not giving any feedback to fix the problem. It's so so hard to connect and work with them that at one point, I begin to doubt my self. Am I not good enough? Am I not being clear about the goal and how we planed to achive it? Am I, not capable of managing this brand? It's all negativity clouding my mind for a couple of days before I realised that this was not only my responsibilities. If I want to make it work, if WE want to make it work, both parties need to be working together.

I honestly don't know how to make both parties working together. I guess, in this case, I have to detach my personal creativities aside. After several times getting rejected, it's time to surrender and follow the flow. This is not my favorite way of doing my job. But things must be done. And for now, what I think the best doesn't make the cut to their mind.

I come to an understanding that if I'm not happy working with them, it will be reflected in my works. Let's pray that I will solve this matter soon.