Judgemental

Healthy update: I feel so much better right now! Oh, nothing feels as good as being fit and healthy again. Looking back, the last 2 weeks had been a though and rocky time. But now that I'm getting my energy back, I find it kinda funny that I struggle a lot to decide what to do in that tricky time: endless work load and lots of exciting project versus taking a break cause my body scream in desperation for a rest day.

I know that health is important. It's just, I couldn't help but think that I had to be strong too. After all, my boss put her trust on me and I didn't want to let her down. I wanted to exceed her expectation. Thus, I forced myself to keep going forward. Several times, I decided that I need to stop cause I felt extremely tired. But then I woke up in the morning and I thought, "I can do another miles". I kept on thinking that if I couldn't surpass this, I wouldn't be able to carry on further for a bigger responsibilities. I was desperate; of being able to succeed and of getting a well deserve rest time. And I wanted them all. As long as I could still walk, I wouldn't stop.

The moment I called it off was the moment I thought it's save to take a leave from my work for a day. Still, there's this tiny thought slipped my mind. Was it my wisdom talking, advising me to take a break for a while? Or was it my selfishness, trying to lure me with indulgent cause I have "an excuse"? At that point, I always feel like I'm loosing my faith in my self, something that I find, very irritating. Is this what people called being-hard-to-yourself? Or is this a determination? Oh Lord. Life is a never ending school and homework, eh? ;)

I'm getting better at listening to my heart lately. So I guess I should learn listen to my body too. Or let's just hope I do a good job at my healthier diet, so I don't have to be in that position again. Haha.