Happy Birth Day

 

The message was sent 2 minutes before midnight. I listened to it around 8 o'clock the next day. I felt a bit hazy upon waking up. There were many things popping in my head all at once that I couldn't think of anything at all. The message was the first that I read that morning. A dear friend sent me a 5 minutes voice note in celebration of me turning a year older.

She started with a yawn, telling me she stayed up as late as she could so she would be the first to wish me a happy birthday. She said nearing midnight, the sleepiness was unbearable she decided to message me earlier in fear of doozing off last minute. She said she's grateful to ever meet me. She said she knew I didn't want a long life, I wanted just enough time living, even better passing before old age so I didn't need to go through pain. She understood why I said what I said. So she prayed to God, that if I passed earlier, she would get a chance to meet me again in the next life. Whether as friends or sisters. She said she would also love to have me as her mom, that she would be happy to be my child.

I broke down crying.

It's the nicest thing I had ever heard someone said about me. My past experience gives me so many fear of having long term relationship, mostly because I know how much you can hurt someone "unintentionally" then hiding behind the "I care about what's best for you" mirror. Having kids is one of the thing I put a lot of thoughts on. But there she was, having the confidence to have me as her mother in her next life. She trusts me that much and that is such a big deal for me. It was an affirmation for my own doubt not being good enough to care for someone. I was so deeply happy. The moment she said those words, I felt like doing something right in my life. It was such a powerful force to rose my spirit up. It was love. It is love.

I cried for the next hour. My emotion was overflowing with joy. That moment is such a precious one, such a big love declaration, such a soul comforter. I want to hold on to that moment for the rest of my "long enough" life.

Thank you. Happy summer. I'm happy I got tho hear this when I'm alive.