this is not right

yep this is not right



i can't handle my self . I'm tired of fate's game that make me so labile. up and down. gave me a wonderful moment and the next day just drowned me into the sadness. i didn't think about justice, well in this case, in this reality, there's no justice for everyone. that's the rule. i understand it very well.

i don't expect more than what's been going on here. at first i thought if I let it flow, it automaticly would have found the way back. someday I'd find a moment i could stand this better than before. but so far, i haven't seen any light or even clue to get out this endless darkness.

I'm lost.

and no one tried to find me here.




oh or maybe i don't want to be found.

i don't wish they will understand me as i try very hard to understand them because the world i live today is a totally stranger for me.

wishing this devil pass me trough, and the sun will shine brightly to me, defeat the darkness around me, save me from the dragon. as if..

as we laughed together somehow i felt so happy

so last week was the hardest time ever that i was very upset with everything in my life. i felt like a loser that i only made anybody else feel sad.

and my mom could read what exactly i was thinking about. she took me to malang city, looking for fresh air with my daddy and also my siblings. i am not a very open minded person or even an assertive one. so thanks god i have my mom with me who always can read my mind (well it's my assumption).

we went to a brand new hang out spot at batu (in malang city) named museum of animals diorama. well at the very first time, it sounded a boring place with lots of fake animal (but my sister does love it very much. i mean she loves animals so damn MUCH). but heeeyyy, it was so beautiful place with its cool contemporer arts, its good atmosphere, and absolutely its looked-like-life-animals :D astonishing!

the entrance















i really love the artworks of those animals' artist. superb superb!









mom's head popped up between me and gitta dwiputri hahaha

it was the biggest smile i had after hours-of-crying-so-hard-moments and stressful times last week. i do believe now that family has its own magic to make us feel somehow glad and fabulous. thank you guys, what's the value in this suck life without you? :) hehehe enjoy the euphoria of march people.

ps: it's less than 2 weeks before the national exams. wish me a BIG luck guys. oh i need a MASSIVE one i think :D