hi :)

shoted by gitta dwiputri/edited by me/bali island

the weather is a bit cold today. it's cloudy and windy. buuuut i think summer comes early to my heart as i cant stop smiling to everyone (and everything) i've met. i even smiled to my closet last night hahaaa.. well, i am so happy today because i've been accepted as a new student at one of public university at my city, surabaya (thank god i am really blessed :D). how does it feel? heeem, for me it feels like you just got a million dollars doorprize. speechless. excited. ultra happy, you name it. the best part isnt the money but how people you love get happy for you, kiss you and hug you all the time. laughing with you all the way.
i didnt get it easily. i've failed so many times before. i gave up. i was upset. then suddenly i realized that i couldnt live as a loser forever. that was the day i promised my self to study (extremely) hard and pray more than i've ever done, asked god for his bless. and jeng jeeeng, here i am smiling to my laptop while typing this post. really guys, stand up and get the success after sooo many bad things before tastes the sweetest ;)

congratulation to my friends who also have been accepted at the same university. we should celebrate it together ;) and for those who failed, i wish the best way for you, amin :)

please......

she was calling me...

she : i afraid i cant have him for me.

me : you no need to afraid. ask god for it, he'll give you the best.

she : but i love him so damn much. i don't want to loose him or even worse, i cant be with him.

me : all i can say is you must be patient. you've done everything you could to get him back. you told me everything's possible.. he'll become yours whenever it takes. it can be now, or maybe later, we never know.

she : what if i force god to fulfill my wish? i just wanna be with him no matter what..

me : unfortunately that's life. life doesn't care about what you want, it wont stop because you want to, even you beg for it. sometime we cant have everything we want. we have to learn to live a life we never want to be..

she : nope, i cant let the unfair life takes my happiness.

me : happiness is relative. even in the deepest hole, there is still a light even it's gleam. that's life for me. yes it's unfair, yes it's rude. but somehow it makes me stronger than i ever would be. if i didn't get what i want, it means I'm not ready yet for it. later, i believe, I'll get something much better than I've expected..

she : no no... there wont be 'much better' for me. he's the best. please don't say that words. you make me feel so sad..

me : oh god i didn't mean to make you sad. it's just, that's what i learn so far from this life. i am so sorry.....

she : well it's okay. I'm a big girl. I'm strong.

me : yep you are. please don't cry..

she : i think i need it just for a while.

disconnected....

this is not right

yep this is not right



i can't handle my self . I'm tired of fate's game that make me so labile. up and down. gave me a wonderful moment and the next day just drowned me into the sadness. i didn't think about justice, well in this case, in this reality, there's no justice for everyone. that's the rule. i understand it very well.

i don't expect more than what's been going on here. at first i thought if I let it flow, it automaticly would have found the way back. someday I'd find a moment i could stand this better than before. but so far, i haven't seen any light or even clue to get out this endless darkness.

I'm lost.

and no one tried to find me here.




oh or maybe i don't want to be found.

i don't wish they will understand me as i try very hard to understand them because the world i live today is a totally stranger for me.

wishing this devil pass me trough, and the sun will shine brightly to me, defeat the darkness around me, save me from the dragon. as if..

as we laughed together somehow i felt so happy

so last week was the hardest time ever that i was very upset with everything in my life. i felt like a loser that i only made anybody else feel sad.

and my mom could read what exactly i was thinking about. she took me to malang city, looking for fresh air with my daddy and also my siblings. i am not a very open minded person or even an assertive one. so thanks god i have my mom with me who always can read my mind (well it's my assumption).

we went to a brand new hang out spot at batu (in malang city) named museum of animals diorama. well at the very first time, it sounded a boring place with lots of fake animal (but my sister does love it very much. i mean she loves animals so damn MUCH). but heeeyyy, it was so beautiful place with its cool contemporer arts, its good atmosphere, and absolutely its looked-like-life-animals :D astonishing!

the entrance















i really love the artworks of those animals' artist. superb superb!









mom's head popped up between me and gitta dwiputri hahaha

it was the biggest smile i had after hours-of-crying-so-hard-moments and stressful times last week. i do believe now that family has its own magic to make us feel somehow glad and fabulous. thank you guys, what's the value in this suck life without you? :) hehehe enjoy the euphoria of march people.

ps: it's less than 2 weeks before the national exams. wish me a BIG luck guys. oh i need a MASSIVE one i think :D

flying outter space

i feel so absurd lately.

like my head has separated from my body, like my brain's having a disfunction of commanding what i should do. hell. it may be caused by the national exams which will be held less than 30 days later (aarrrgghhhh). yes people, I'm going to face the exams very SOON. it's only earthquake or terribly flood will cancel it to be held next month. oh god oh god... i don't think next month will be the right time to hold any exams. oh yeah anytime won't be the right time as i feel sooooo unready to FACE it.

okay leave those behind, let's talk about something else

well, i had some awkward dreams several times. ehemm ehemm i dreamt about him (don't laugh please). those weren't romantic dreams or something, well i don't even remember how he looked like in my dream. it's likely combination of action movie and crayon shinchan in one scene (oh my god this is embracing that i am telling you the silliest dreams ever). there weren't any hug or even kiss (have i told you it's totally unromantic dreams? oh i have). it was him driving somewhere when a bad guy popped up and messing around us. yes, he saved me from the bad guy and ask me to have lunch together. can you guess where he took me for lunch??? no it wasn't lunch at Eiffel tower or Italian restaurant. well he took me to one of pecel seller (pecel is traditional culinary from madiun, Indonesia. so we put some vegetables together and add peanut sauce on the top). we ate so damn much there and then went home with extremely full tummy. the end.

ha ha ha ha haa....

those dreams are haunting me these days (how could i take it off from my head if it was you there in my dreams?!). well mostly because i still don't understand what message those dreams wanted to tell me. for god's shake I'd give all of my saving if only i could rewind the dreams once again and recorded it in video. oh I'm desperately silly zzzzzzzz

shoted by gitta dwiputri
sanur beach, bali island

oh and at last, please please pray me for a success national exams. i really need everyone supports to pass it (very) well. thank you before guys :) hope happy last days of February :) :)

bench-ing

my mom put a bench at her garden about couple months ago and shortly become very popular spot at home. i love to sit there about 4 p.m, enjoy the sky and feel the wind softly blow my hair. it's sooo damn peace at the bench that i can rewind everything I've done in my life, ALONE.

and there was a place where i spent up my last vacation with my sister. i brought out my laptop, bunch of snack, a big mug of nutrisari and my favorite books. I used to be there from about 9 in the morning up to 5 in the afternoon.

this book belongs to zyra brenda

the wind blew my hair, the sun warmed my body, well that's all i need to recover my mind up after the last exams.

abu also joined us at the bench. surprisingly he came with a lady instead! wow wow he was blushing every time the girl looked at him hahaha very funny to see your cat shows affection to the other one :) go abu!

hey abu, is there anything you want to tell me about?

yes vania this is the girl who has stolen my only heart


shoted by me
location : the bench

they hit me with so damn amazing stories!

i like reading comic so much especially when i was at junior high. it's always nice to have some of 'fresh' comics from the book shop therefore I'll be just silent and read :) i like Japanese comics the most because the variate plot and beautiful art work. here are those arts that has stolen my heart *wuahahah*...

*gunslinger girl by yu aida

the story is about girls about 10-15 years old who have been transformed to be cyborgs. they work for Italian government. their job is hunting the Mafiosos (Italian terrorists). the story becomes very complex because the unique relationship between the characters which are written and drawn very humane (in this case they are cyborg after all). why do i love this comic? well, because the girls show me how to enjoy life, even they aren't normal as other human. how to deal with something you've never imagined to come in your life before such as killing terrorist :)

*peace maker and peace maker kurogane by nanae chrono

peace maker kurogane takes setting before the ikedaya war in Japan and the story of peace maker begins after it. both have the same story, about shinsengumi division at tokugawa era. it tells about intrics, internal conflicts, loyalty and friendship in shinsengumi that time which is so insecure and in fragile condition. i really love the art work sooo bad :) :) this comic is full of blood but I've never felt afraid so far haha sounds crazy :p five stars comic!

*nodame cantabile by tomoko ninomiya

thousands thanks to my sister who brought this comics home! i love this comic!! it's nodame who is studying at one of music university in Japan. she's a prodigy actually but her appeal doesn't show how smart she is. it's chiyaki who is a contrary of nodame. yes the have the same level of geniusity but at a very different condition. as i wrote above nodame isn't popular and a bit unusual than other prodigy but chiyaki is the #1 pianist at their university and a very famous idol instead. soon they meet each other and will change their life forever. the story is simple, youngster's love story but it's not the best part of this comic. the best part is the music unsure which connects them (nodame and chiyaki). have i told you that this comic is about music, not love story?

thank you 2009, watch out 2010!

time flies and here we are, facing the new year 2010. it feels like yesterday i just celebrated the new year 2009 but now, woaaa...

many things happened and thank god there were tons of sweet things happened :) if i try to memorize, i feel like wanna fly back to those moments so i couldn't forget it forever, having fun once more before i fill this new year with another sweet journey. I'm sooo happy to have you guys at the past year and i wish we can be together so on :) a simple wish, isn't it?

shoted by ajus adi
where : sanur beach, bali
when : 2009
inside : the only sister and brother, gitta dwiputri and dimas adiputra, me




shoted by vovo
where : kebun bibit
when : 2009
inside : school buddies, vidyana putri and nila wahyu, me




shoted by me
where : antique shop
when : 2009
inside : Buddha and me




shoted by anonym (i really forgot who took this picture)
where : PASCH at 15 senior high
when : 2009
inside : syfa alam and me




shoted by asdhi
where : parking lot of food fest
when : eka putri's birthday party, 2009
inside : asdhi , zyra brenda, sugiono, syfa alam, me




shoted by galuh pratiwi
where : tunjungan plaza's roof top
when : 2009
inside : ayu sulistya, me




shoted by gitta dwiputri
where : oen, ice cream shop at malang city
when : 2009
inside : dimas adiputra and me




shoted by anonym (i forgot also)
where : mushola of 15 senior high
when : pondok ramadhan 2009
inside : ayu sulistya, vidyana putri, zyra brenda, galuh pratiwi, me

and also those sadness moments when i desperately down, when i thought that i couldn't stand up anymore, thank you god for being with me and telling me how to solve them up. with unexpected ways you show me that you always hear my prayers. those moments mean a lot to make me a better and a mature human than before. thank you thank you, i love you soo much more the life it self :)

wish me a happy 2010 guys :) and a happy end for the national exams hahahaa.. good luck for your life. toast for the new year!

having fun is over

hello people!
I've been sooooo busy these days that i couldn't update my blog huhu but I'm so glad finally I'm writing a new post for you guys :)

something has distracted my life lately so that i couldn't think clearly. one day i was so fed up with all of these stuffs and i cried alone at my room, wondered if everything would be okay soon. ironically today, i still haven't found any good solution for this problem zzzzzzzz

but, hey why don't you help me to forget it a while? in this post i share some pictures which were taken when my family and i were having a-day-off-out-from-the-city. there were tons of fun and happiness. hell yeah i just wanna rewind those moments once more so i can escape from this rude and unfair life. as if......

coffee? check. chips? check. popcorn? check. so what are you waiting for? enjoy :)

inside : the whole family ; superDEDI, superMOMMY, superGITTA, superDIMAS, me

location : batu , malang