Love Fool

An experience is truly a good teacher. I made so many mistakes on my journey, I called for the wrong decision, and I miss judged people. Some of it made me cry in silent before sleep, some of it made me smile and laugh cause it's silly, some of it leaves marks in my heart, up till today.

I think the hardest part is to accept and live with it. Hard because, I felt ashamed of committing the mistakes. I should have known better, that's what I thought. But Good God, I knew nothing when on the other hand, I acted like I write the ending of the story. Hahaha. Recalling all of this is amusing. I can see my old days flashing in my mind like a broken cassette. 

I have this faith that if I'm being a good girl, I'll be ended up with good folks only. But around the good people doesn't mean you are bullet proof from the hands of the player. For all I know, the good people is not always good. They sometimes play the game better than the others. I feel like right now, I can't play by my rule anymore. I need to step up my game; polishing my smile, sharpen my eyes, practising my roles. Being a good girl who play by the rule has made me an easy target. And an easy target I am not. I don't wanna be the toy. I can play the game too.

But who am I kidding? Participating in a game of life is tiring. And I like my life laid back like a Sunday morning with a cup of warm coffee in one hand and a slice of double chocolate cake in the other. I like a carefree life, where I don't have to plan my movement every minute. I like the small family I have, loving me even in my worn out holed pyjamas and make up-less face. I can play the game, I'm just not really into it. 

I don't wanna be like those people who play it nice because they have hidden agenda. I wanna be nice because I like to be one. I wanna be nice and true and compassionate because living that way is a life that I'm believing in. To hell with those who's been lying and betraying. And I regret all of the lies and betrayals I've been done. All I know, I'm better this way. I'm grateful for the experience that has thought me a thing or two about life. I'm grateful for people I call family who's been nothing but supporting and loving.

They may whisper and point me as The Love Fool. But honey, ain't no fool if a man embrace his own flaws, admitting his faults, keep believing and spreading kindness.

It's pure gold.

Which you are not, obviously.