A Landslide

Is it weird if I always hang out with the same people every week?

When I see my friends' instagram, they seem to have like billions of friends to hang out with. Monday with A and B, Wednesday with C, D, E, F and G, on weekend they go out of the city with H, I and J to watch the sunrise. Meanwhile, I hang out only with 3 of my best friends, any time anywhere, it's always that 3 person. I'm starting to wonder, am I not having enough friends?

Back on high school, I had this goal to make new friends, at least 1, every month. I think I was doing pretty good. I used to go out with a lot of people on Saturday night. I knew this guy and that girl. I went to school parties and came home past midnight. It was fun and glitters.

When I was in college, I met a whole different circle. I was struggling to fit in, cause me and them, we rarely had common interest. I was still carried away with my lifestyle in high school, and I think I made a wrong impression by doing so to my new college friends. Even after a while, I didn't think it's going well between me and the entire class. I don't think I was the only one who struggling, for sure. It's just, I felt like an alien to them. So I decided to pull away even further. On my 2nd year, I finally found a group that I felt comfortable with. We hung out together, we did our paper together. I even introduced them to one of my best friend from high school, so we could have fun together. But things didn't last for long. Later I found out that some of the people at my new group were taking benefit from our friendship. I didn't think it's something that would disadvantage me in a bad way or so. I just felt like being betrayed, that they had other motif to be friend with me. So once again, I pulled away.

I can't really trust new person. Mostly because I don't want to go back to the sour experience I had in the past. For the last 5 years, I've been keeping my inner circle small. My best friends even mock me that I have no friend left if they decide to leave me. Haha. It's funny because it's true. Sometimes I wonder, should I give in to new people in my life, letting them be part of my story.

As we grow older, it becomes pretty hard to find a friend. I have lot of clients, I have hundred of contacts in my phone book. But mostly, we know each other cause we have business relation. Or even if I find a good folks, they already are busy enough starting a family, raising their child, making a living, bla bla bla. 

I'm happy with my circle right know. They are my comfort zone, my support system, my safety net. I just feel insecure cause one of them is getting married in 3 months and move far away from here. When everyone is going and moving, will I literally be left alone?