I realise that sometimes, I try too hard to be in love. Sometimes I try too hard to be liked back. I always lost my direction in the middle of a relationship cause I get too caught up guessing what ideal girl he likes. And it's tiring.
I keep on thinking that to love and to be in love shouldn't feel like doing school final test. Frightening and tense. Sure, a relationship need some work to survive every challenge. But that work should come from both sides. If you're the one who do all the hustle, then I think you should step back a bit and see the whole picture. After all, in order to last "till-death-due-us-apart", you need that relationship to be as healthy as possible. Thus, a good team work.
I'm not blaming the other party, cause recently I accepted the fact that the problem was coming from me. The trying-too-hard-me. I'm not being my self every time I met a guy. I tend to become what people expect a woman to be. I become ordinary, in a way that I'm not showing them what makes my personality special . I was the expected. And probably they got bored playing.
So I stop. I'm not in the mood of romance until I find out what I want to be, what I want to do with my life, all the big questions. I need a break and a rehab from the series of potential-love-interest-turned-ugly. I probably should change my hair color, just like Carrie did after Mr. Big called off the wedding by not showing off on the big day. Geez. That's the worst, James Preston.
And then an idea whispers to me, "what if, I never find my own self?"
Well, at least I die trying.
(and somebody find out about my story, make it a Hollywood movie that will hit box office. That way, I have the whole world weep for me. HAHA. Btw, pic from pinterest.com, not my own)
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