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Reaching the End

It's 2 days before Christmas! Can you believe that I make it so far, in term of surviving December?

This is me sending a signal to the universe to conspire and save my azz this month. December is bat shit cray. Hope I survive. . #vaniatheexplorer . #thatsdarling #darlingweekend #wanderlust #sundayisfine #malang

A post shared by vaniaputri (@vaniaputri) on Dec 9, 2017 at 10:12pm PST

The office has officially off starting from today and I feel like I can finally breath. Even though, I still have some pending notes to finish over the weekend before actually going to a winter hibernation. I want to spend the holiday lounging at my bed, writing or catching up on new TV series (The Crown and This is Us! And maybe Stranger Things). I'm not planning to go anywhere, my adventure will be on the bed through the screen of my laptop. Please don't knock on my door.

Another happy news is, I have a promotion at work! Holly Molly Guacamoleyyy! What have I done to achieve this? This feels so exciting and worrisome at the same time. I'm pretty nervous of being a leader and I'm worried if I can't achieve my goals. I'm scared of failing. But on the brighter side, I'm so happy that my work got notice by the boss. I guess, I just need to work twice harder and smarter and read more serious news like financial report on CNN, skipping my fave section: Entertainment news for while. January surely will be another roller coaster, I better buckle up!

Talk about January, I already have some plans in mind. I decide that I may start to live on my own. I think, it's about time. I actually haven't looked for a place yet, but it's definitely on my new year agenda. Following the decision above, I also think that I need to learn to manage my financial better. By living on my own, there will be a lot more expenses and needs that I have to fulfil. I want to make sure that I understand how to distribute my earning so I can still shop for my fave skin care and have proper 3 meals a day. I hope I don't put my self on too much pressure with the new position at work and moving out of my parents house. I'm sacred as hell. But I have to do this. I've been thinking long and deep about this. 2018 will be the year of levelling up my career and my personal life. 2018 will be a freakin horror house, rather than a roller coaster hahaha. Ooooh lord. How am I gonna do this? Again, I need to work twice harder and smarter and believe more in my self. Let's say the magic word: I can do it!

Yours trully in front of Joglo stage during the last day of UWRF. It's the golden hour and it's hard for me to leave Ubud. It's always been a home for me, a place to rest the tired soul.

Inevitable

I was in the back of Gojek while writing this, going back home from work

Ubud Archive: Reconnecting

Oct 28th 2017

I was taken by surprise. Ubud was hot, humid-hot kind of weather. I was dozing off as the heat stinged my skin. But the smell stayed the same. I remembered it clearly. A distant smell of fresh flowers from the market and mango sorbet in the air. The wall is still the same: close, intimate. They are not meant to separate, they're just a reminder that even in a city so multicultured, we still have our own space.

It's nice to be home for the weekend.

Ubud Archieve: Gourmet

Naturally, the first thing I did when I reached Ubud was my all time favorite Mexican treat, Taco Casa. It's easily becoming a tradition, like nothing feels more "Zen" than a big plate of chicken nachos and that goddam guacamole combine with Ubud breeze as my welcome drink in the hood. My spot is the table by the window. Best seat at the house.

I don't know why, I always feel like I'm eating better at Ubud, in terms of quality. Probably because it's so easy to find healthy food in the hood. Every time I come home to Ubud, food adventure is always on the list. And every time I come home, there's always interesting places to try. The hip place, the artistic place, the hot spot, the stay-all-night-place. I always find fascinating things that I want to explore. The people, I adore their commitment in crafting the food, the ambiance. It's not always about business, sometime I feel it's more about your passion, something you do over and over again because you can't help but wanting to make the best out of it. That's probably why the food tastes so good there.

Kakiang Bakery now serves gelato and they are to die for. The best gelato I had in Ubud so far!

Tuna Roll at Bali Buda made me rollin in the 7th sky.

I'd done my complete in-depth review about some of my favorite spots at Ubud and the list hasn't changed much. But there is a place I recently found that I love love love so much. Both for the food and the ambiance. I had a lunch there with Fifi, my UWRF mate for the last 2 years and Acid, a new friend I made on The Poet Club at UWRF 2017. It was an exceptionally hot day at Ubud, not to mention it's super humid too. We were looking for shelter from the heat until later in the afternoon when the last session started. So we decided to brave the heat, drove 7 km to Habitat.

Habitat is a well known resto in Ubud, specially because it shares roof with the most talked about co-working place there, Hubud. I was underestimated it at first. I thought, it's probably an overpriced place with so so tasted foods. I was wrong. The foods are delicious. So delicious. So delicious. And I repeat it 3 times because they are that good. I ordered Orange Fried Chicken with steamed rice, Fifi ordered Signature Burger and Acid ordered Chicken and Chips. All of them are so good. We did try out each other menus and we agreed that place would be officially on the list of "Must-Visit".

Actually, the menu they serve is kind of the same with most of the restos/cafes at Ubud. I think what makes them so good is there's no bullshit taste on the food. Do you ever experience reading a menu and the food sounds amazing but when they come it's just, meh? The Orange Fried Chicken exactly tastes like a very good fried chicken with orange glaze, served hot and crispy. There's no secret ingredients or special technique or magic. Habitat serves exactly what they write in the menu and more. That's also implied on the Signature Burger and Chicken and Chips my friends ordered. No bullshit food. What's lacking from the food was just, we didn't take pictures of them. Not even one picture. We went full savage when they served the food hahaha.

What's for dinner? Ours would be Crispy Chicken with Orange Sauce 👌💛💛 it can be yours too #habitatubud #nomnom#yummy #monkeyforest #ubudrestaurant #balifoodies#balilife #goodfood #dinnerinubud #dinnerinbali

A post shared by Habitat Ubud (@habitatubud) on Oct 11, 2017 at 3:15am PDT

Thank you for the beautiful shot Grand, looks stunning ☺☺😍😍 we love it @Regrann from @grandiyusuf - These burger from @habitatubud make me insane. One of my favorite place in Ubud. 👏 _____ #balifoodtalk #topvsco #travelgram #ubud #ubudbali #burger #foodgasm #foodporn #foodiegram #food #foodbali #passionpassport #balidaily - #regrann

A post shared by Habitat Ubud (@habitatubud) on May 1, 2017 at 5:41am PDT

PS: as always, I link the instagram/google maps at the picture so you can find them easier. Just click click ;)

Ubud Archive: Prelude

Oct 26th 2017

I forget the joy of not doing anything. Here I am, sitting at Starbucks alone, phone dead and machiato half drank, not knowing what to do as I wait for my boarding time. I'm the type of people who arrive super early to the airport because a constant paranoia of missing the flight. So yes, I have 4 hours to kill before boarding time. Please don't laugh.

I stop trying to do anything. I day dream, on how the weather will be at Ubud and the excitement of meeting some of familiar faces again. Man, I miss this. Sitting at the coffee shop, choosing the deepest corner so I can freely ponder and do nothing to my heart's content. It's nice to not multitask (haha) once in a while and just waste a little time.

Then I fly.

I love flying. It feels as if I'm in the other world, the closest ever to the sky, the most freeing moment I've ever feel. I love looking out the window, tracing the endless city lights that look like our veins, delivering life to every part of it. It's also the closest I ever be with God, physically speaking. I always have the idea that he can hear me better whenever I'm up in the sky. Ridiculous, but the feeling stays with me even after all this time. So I whisper a prayer, no, a lot of prayers actually.

I ask for a safety till I reach my destination

I ask for a good weather during the trip

I ask for wisdom when meeting new people

I ask for modesty when having fun

I ask for an unforgettable adventure with my friends

I ask for inspirations

I ask for good health and this one goes for every one in my family

I ask for forgiveness

and

I ask for love and compassion

Because I'm Happy

- circa February 2016. I look so young back then haha.

I'm keeping a lot of story in my draft that's why I haven't post anything for the past week. I haven't edited my pics from the prev trips too, omg, why time flies so fast?

I'm 110% is focusing on my work right now. There are some exciting project coming and I want them to work smooth and perfect, that is why I give all of my time perfecting and polishing them. Especially this one project is like a dream project for me, the kind of creative process you've been waiting for, the kind of creativity that I need to unleash before it goes rusty haha.

I will write again. Probably tonight, probably later this weekend. So many poets, the hopeless romantic ones, so many inspiring stories, I feel like I'm feeling so good lately and obviously it will be shown in my post haha. But I'm gonna stop it right here, I don't want to spoil much, even thou I probably spoil everything already.

Oh, so happy, so grateful for this moment :)

I Keep Coming Back

It's my forth year attending UWRF this year. It maybe a small number compares to other regulars of the festival, not to mention the volunteers, but this is the only festival that I've been so committed to attend every year. At least I always try to make time to go, no matter how short.

Why I keep coming back? A lot of people has been asking me this question, specially my parents and my cousins. What's so interesting there? What can you see there? Is celebrity attending the event?

UWRF is about sitting next to strangers on the first day and having lunch as a new friends the next day. It's about seeing familiar faces from last year, or the previous years before and catching up over a heated discussion about good books, good indie movies and new hip coffee shop in town. It's about unleashing your imagination with your favorite writer, film maker and many other inspiring people in the panel, guiding you through their creative process. It's about getting passionate, inspired and excited just like flipping a story book with colorful images

It's about being reminded that what you think is out of your reach, is actually not that far away.

I think I'll come back a thousand times more.

Feeling Myself, Again

I just got back from Ubud last Tuesday. Dang, it feels reallyyyyy good to be away for a while, especially  if you're going to one of your favorite place on earth. Good news good news, I made some friends during UWRF. Super happy! I told myself that this year I had to be more courageous in starting a convo with the person I sit next to. And I did it! Yay! Proud of myself :D

I also managed to write journals every single day. It felt so easy since I got so inspired by all the sessions I attended. In fact, I never not taking notes out of everything. I have to say journaling is indeed a good way to record ideas in your mind. It really helped me to organised all of the ideas then proceeded them into a writing or video or a content materials for work. I'm truly glad I'm making progress here, considering how I struggled in so many aspects for couple of months.

Now I understand that taking a break is important. And I also understand that "a break" that works for me is a space to rediscover, to explore and to meet new friends. Shopping spree or coffee break don't make a cut anymore. I'm hungry for inspiration and experience, so that's probably why I love being away, on my own. Away from the routine, the people. The idea of discovering my own perspective of the world is one of my main life purpose right now.

It doesn't mean that I hate everything I have back home. It's just, I spend 25 years of my life staying in, circling in my comfort zone, obeying my parents if they tell me not to do something without considering if it can be a good thing for me as a young adult to try. I just need to get out. As I mentioned before, I need to discover my own perspective of the world. It's about time, right?

A Day to Remember

Last month, my parents celebrated their 26th wedding anniversary. 26 years of togetherness, 26 years of ups and downs and in between, 26 years of endless problems with the kids. Haha.

They asked us, the 3 problematic kids, out for dinner. I was hesitating at first. 26 should be a milestone for them and going for a typical Surabaya dining out was just, ordinary. So I proposed we went out of town instead, maybe to Malang or somewhere that could be reached within 3 hours drive. I immediately remembered that mom had never been to Bromo, never witness the magical night sky and beautiful sunrise with active volcano as a backdrop. I told them my plan and with a lil help from my bro and sis, we decided to go to Bromo for their wedding anniversary. I only had less than 24 hours to prepare the trip and also a little surprise for them buttt we made it to Bromo save and sound!

Bromo was packed with tourist that morning. We arrived a little late cause Penanjakan was already jammed with foreigner and local tourist. The sky was so so beautiful that morning. It's crystal clear, displaying the milky way and million of stars glowing just like a diamond *cue Rihanna's song*. Later my brother told me that he saw a shooting stars right before dawn came. Luckyyyyy bratttttt I missed that one :(

I've been to Bromo several times and usually in summer so I only wore my thin sweater and jeans because that would be enough. Little did I know Bromo in September is super cold and windy, like straight to the bone cold. I was obviously undressed thus I clinged to my brother and sister, but it didn't help much. I should have worn my thicker socks and sweater, I kept thinking that way since I felt like frozen up there. Even after the sun was up, the wind was still soooo cold.

Beside the chilly wind, the trip was fantastic. We had a good time playing in the sea of sand and taking gazillion pics together. I'm so happy that my parents enjoyed the trip as much as my sister, my brother and I did. We had breakfast at the jeep, the one that my sister prepared from home, sweet fried noodle with scrambled egg and beef sausages. I brought a thermos of Balinese coffee too so it was perffff breakfast at a beautiful place. Super happy!

My Bromo Itinerary:

11 p.m : departing from Surabaya

2 a.m : arriving at one of the check point, renting a jeep and a tour guide

3 a.m : driving up to Penanjakan, a terrace to watch the sunset and the crater of Bromo. There are several of Penanjakan and I've been to 3 of them. I will highly recommend Penanjakan 2 cause it has the best view of the crater and you can see the milky way clearer there.

3.30 a.m - 6.30 a.m : the sun usually rises from 5 a.m to 5.30 a.m, but as I mentioned before, Penanjakan is already packed around 4 a.m so the earlier you arrive, a better spot you get to watch the sun. I notice some people is already in Penanjakan since 2 a.m to watch the starry sky and the milky way and if you're lucky like my brother, you can spot the shooting star. I personally love to arrive at 3 a.m, brave the cold, and stay at Penanjakan up till 7 a.m because it will be less crowded and you can freely enjoy the view.

7 a.m - 10.30 a.m : we continued the journey around Pasir Berbisik area, checking out the sand dunes and the temple by the crater. You can try horse ride or climb up to the edge of the crater there. I wonder if we can rent ATV there cause it will be so much fun hehe. Most people drive around and stop at some points to take pics. There are also several small stalls there serving hot coffee, tea and snacks so if you don't prepare a meal, you can surely try the stalls.

10.30 a.m - 11 a.m : going back to the first check point, where we parked the car then driving back to Surabaya

That is that. I hope my experience help you if you have a plan to go to Bromo. One thing for sure is, even thou I've been there several times, the place is still so magical. The next time I plan to go there again, I think I will go when the little purple flower blooms at Pasir Berbisik. I see some of the pics and it looks so beautiful!

La La Land

Ohh, what should I say for this beautifully arranged music? I love every bit of it. The rasphy voice of Jake Bugg and Noah Cyrus, omg her voice is just pure joy to listen to. I've been playing this over and over and over again I loose track of number.

Hotter Than Ever

It's been exceptionally hot and humid here in Surabaya. The sky is turning greyer and greyer everyday and finally, yesterday, it rained a little. But other than that 60 minutes bliss when the air was slightly cooler, it's been super hot and humid. I feel like I can't properly breath.

Other than the less interesting weather forecast here in Surabaya, it's 7 days before UWRF 2017! Super duper excited. I check my calendar every morning to count down till the departure day. Only 7 hot and humid day left in Surabaya and I'll be off to a much friendlier weather, finger crossed.

The hot weather really annoys me to the point where I don't feel like going anywhere but lying by the pond on weekend, eating watermelon(s) and sipping ice coffee. And I'm also so sick of my phone and instagram and email so I purposely let my phone died during the day. I read instead.

This book I read is a New York Times best seller, like years ago, and I have to say that it's bloody good. Like 9/10 good. And I just read it now. Where have I been? Geez. It's Crazy Rich Asians by Kevin Kwan and I think I'll get the 2nd book later this weekend. The story is about a young billionaire who falls in love with an Economic professor. His family doesn't approve of the girl because of some cultural obstacles, something like legacy, blood lines and Ming Dynasty, oh and also, money. What makes it interesting, in my opinion, is the multi perspectives Kevin serve in every chapter. Here we have an Asian boy who basically spend most of his adulthood in America, living in American way and eating American cheese bagel. On the other hands, we have a bunch of Asian billionaire who has 3 things in their minds: investment, designer pieces and beneficial marriage. And trapped in between all of that is a Guangdong immigrant who is raised by a single mom, independently making a living in New york and madly fall in love with the Asian boy, mad enough to go to a summer vacay half the world away to meet the boy's family which the boy rarely talk about and she never even have a phone conversation before. That's wild. If there's anything I learn from the book, it will be to run a background check on my potential life partner, just in case. A girl needs to be prepared for the worst.

Changing of Season

So I told my self I needed a break.

My mind is practically a tangled threat for a couple of months. It's obvious, since I've been complaining since July. Haha.

I'm having an endless train of thought and I feel like I've been thinking hard to find an answer, a solution, a scarp of hope in this dark tunnel. I also start to write a journal every time I feel like I may 'explode' with emotions. Yes, I'm trying my hardest to keep writing even thou it's not here since I know it's something soothing for my mind. A girl needs to find a grip to keep functioning everyday, after all.

Some thoughts can be really intense some night, that I feel an extreme sadness and confusion. So I end up staying late, watching my favorite comedy romance or reading some books or writing, anything to loosen up and take off my mind of the problem just for a while. I know and I completely understand that I have to be strong and holding on as long as I can. This shall pass, I tell myself. This is another phase that I have to go through to be a better version of me. This is hard and tiring, but I know I'm strong enough to handle this, even thou I have to crawl to get out of this mess. 

A side from all the un-fun story, I'm looking forward for UWRF 2017 this year. I booked my ticket and pretty much ready to jet off tehehe. I'm planning to take a meditation class too, but haven't decided where. Ugh, so excited!

Detachment

I still feel a little off up until these last days of August. Summer is stealing my energy and my spirit, taking them away as the sunny days starting to grow gloomier. I've done everything in my power to restore my mojo, but it seems like it won't go away, this restless feeling. I wonder, do I get bored with life?

August has been tiring. I experienced a lot of new things: dealing with dissapoinment, encouranging my own self when nobody seems to get it, being as professional as I can be when facing client's high expectation, maintaining their expectation, keeping up with time, and so on and so on. I can't seem to find a moment to breath, which remind me with a moment I had in my previous job. The same feeling, the same struggle. I don't know. I think it's just me being tired that I can't really think clearly. That's it. I should have stop thinking for a while, just for a while so my tiny brain can get a break from the fast pace of my thoughts stream.

There's one case that I want to share. I've been stressing out about one particular client lately. Somehow, I can't really find the fun part of working with them. It's strange for me since I can always find one or two fun parts of working with everyone, no matter how terrible the situation is at the moment. But this one, I'm hitting a dead end.

I believe my work is affected by my judgement: that I hate communicating with them cause they seem to always ignore me, I hate them changing plans all the time, I hate them rejecting my proposal and not giving any feedback to fix the problem. It's so so hard to connect and work with them that at one point, I begin to doubt my self. Am I not good enough? Am I not being clear about the goal and how we planed to achive it? Am I, not capable of managing this brand? It's all negativity clouding my mind for a couple of days before I realised that this was not only my responsibilities. If I want to make it work, if WE want to make it work, both parties need to be working together.

I honestly don't know how to make both parties working together. I guess, in this case, I have to detach my personal creativities aside. After several times getting rejected, it's time to surrender and follow the flow. This is not my favorite way of doing my job. But things must be done. And for now, what I think the best doesn't make the cut to their mind.

I come to an understanding that if I'm not happy working with them, it will be reflected in my works. Let's pray that I will solve this matter soon.

Carrie On Monday: Other's Perspective

pic from pinterest.com

This is a video I accidentaly stumbled last week. I was aimlessly browsing through TED playlist when a title caught my attention. I spent the rest of the day listening to several TED's videos that related to this video. Please enjoy this. You may replay it for 2 or 3 times to really absorb the message, just like I did ;)

Summer Appropriate

I've been listening to a lot of Lorde this summer. Love all the tracks from Melodrama, specially this one.

I also super in love with Perfect Place official video clip. I think it's beautiful and completely Lorde: dark, confused, young and fresh. My favorite part of the clip is probably the wardrobe. I. Love. Every. Single. Dress. She. Wears. Lorde is successfully showing her color in her music. I don't mind waiting 3-4 years if she'll produce an album this good, or even better, every single time.

I'm quite sad that the summer is almost over. I didn't get much time to travel and explore. Hoping I can make time later on October. For now, working it is :)

Carrie On Monday: Va Va Voom

pic from pinterest.com

Guess what I've been doing whenever I had sleep deprived last week. It's Period Drama Week! Hopeless romantic mode activated.

It was started with The Duchess, cause I watched Marie Antoinette the previous week. I thought, why didn't I stick with the theme, so I went for another French period drama. Watching Keira at The Duchess made me missing Pride and Prejudice. I kept repeating the part when Mr. Darcy found out that Lizzy was visiting Pemberley with her Aunt and Uncle in my mind. I love love that part so much. Mostly because Mr. Darcy looked so nervous in front of Lizzy hahaha. He's so cute.

After Pride and Prejudice, I watched Ana Karenina and end the week with The Other Boleyn Girl. I was originally wanted to end the week with Becoming Jane but work got so hectic I fell asleep once I got home. The week might be so exhausting, but rewatching all of my precious period dramas gave me the strenght to carry on. All of those movies, aside from giving my sentimental side some entertainment, it also brings out ideas in my head.

After several nights of intense romance, it's finally driving me crazy. Why it is so hard to realise that kind of connection today? Why is it so hard to innocently fall in love, with out any other hidden objectives under the sleeves? All of these ideas are probably related most to Pride and Prejudice, since the other movies have the main characters involved in secret affairs. Why can't I find the va va voom just like the one Mr. Darcy and Lizzy share?

I remember Carrie talked about this once, but I can't remember the episode. I believe she's saying something about va va voom that makes this particular person special, makes him 'Our Person'. This indescribable emotion that keeps two individuals coming back together, even after being apart or having arguments. The irreplaceable feeling he left, as if no one else can fit the missing puzzle in our heart. And our mind in auto pilot, tracing back to our memories together, both the beautiful ones or the sour ones. This va va voom sounds a lot like dark magic work, haha, but that's how it is. Right?

I told myself once that I'm allowed to have a certain expectation when it comes to romance. It's nothing about the superficial features of the lover, more like how I want the relationship goes. But I know that I've been spoiled big time with all of the romance Jane Austen wrote. I know I have a sky high expectation of romance in this current age. I want no less than heart skips a beat when he kisses me, long comfortable silent as we read our favorite books together and dancing underneath the star light. Is it wise to sow in such dreams? Is it wise to keep indulging my mind in this period drama fatamorgana? After all, it's all fiction in the first place. It's never even happening in real life.

I want to believe part of myself, thinking that everything is possible in this life. I'm not sure how long I can hold on though.

Apart, But Together at Heart

A friend of mine told me a surprising story couple weeks ago. It's surprising because I never expected her to experience something like that before. It's either she's putting a good mask or I'm the one who is so insensitive about other people, I don't know which one.

It was starting as a casual talk over dinner. We both had after office hour meeting that day and decided to have a bowl of comforting Lamian and Dim Sum to recharge the energy. So probably, and this is just my opinion, we got so emotional cause the Lamian were so good we started to tell stories to each other. But still, this kind of story, I didn't expect to hear it coming from her.

After graduating Uni, something terrible happened to her family that she was forced to work so hard to help the family financially. By working hard I mean 2 hours sleep at night and meeting marathon during the day. She barely had time to do anything else but working 24/7. It was a inhumanly tiring period she felt like she became zombie: she's not living a 'life'. But she made it somehow. She put the family to a more balance situation and even put her brothers at one of the most prestigious Uni at Surabaya.

Later on she began to get her life back and have some space to breath in between her works. During this resting moment, another challenge came by. Life got a bit comfier after every success she earned. And it seemed that people got to cozy with that. She started to get stress and frustrated at home. Suddenly, what used to be a shelter for her turning into an endless pressure and burden in her chest. She wanted her family to be happy, but she couldn't keep sacrificing her happiness instead. She was confused and angry and lonely. She didn't tell anyone, not even a single friend. She couldn't bring herself to speak ill about her blood. She was trapped inside her head and heart. She was torn apart.

It was only a matter of time until the negativity clouds surround her. It became even more difficult to be around people and not telling a thing about her baggage. She was cornered in such an uncomfortable situation. She was tired. When you are tired, giving up and running away seem to be the easiest solution. Anywhere but home was a better option for her. She even did research and look for a place for her, so she could get a peace of mind for her own. But at the end, she couldn't make it. She told me that at the end of the road, she faced the two options: moving out of the house and getting 100% focus on herself or staying in, holding on and wish for a miracle. She choose the later.

This is starting to look like a prime time soap opera for me. First, you want to go and when you have the opportunity, you back off? What is that about? But her explanation was spot on, right through my heart. "Yes, I can get out and start a life of my own. But between those two options, my hearts always weights back to the fact that not seeing people that are so dear to me, kills me. Just the thought of it makes me sad. I guess above all, this love makes me a stronger person than I've ever known. I just need to be a bit patience and pray harder so they will come to a better understanding about this matter. Here I am today, in a better place than yesterday."

This kind of battle feels so familiar for me. I guess that's why I pretty much understand how hard it must be for her. We'll be facing a lot of crossing road in the future. Some of them, I believe will ask for a bigger sacrifice from us. Whether it is our feelings, our freedom, our understanding, or even our principles. In my friend's case, I think she manage to hold back her ego but not giving up for what she believes is her right. Even though I don't know for sure how much of ego and feelings she had to suppress. At this point today, she becomes more mature and more open minded towards hardship.

The conversation that night makes me think that turns out, I'm not the weird one to face a similar problem just like her. It's something that some of us struggle with, specially because we hit the age when we start to wonder more than ever, about who we are, what we want to be, what we should be, what we must be. I just wish me and her knew that we were facing a common problem and we could be strenght for one and another. Haha, I guess that will surely gives us more courage to face reality and hold on to our believe that the future is a better place cause we fight hard for it.

Truly, we are more similar than we think we are. We should keep spreading kindness and love cause who knows, a simple act of kindness will help the ones who are struggling a great deal.

Mind Blowing

Sometimes I get overwhelmed by the series of events that happen in my life. Everything seems to come at almost the same time, making the explotion of ideas in my head, leaving me dizzy cause I can't stop thinking and planning and pondering about them. I have to put it down on my email draft or notes otherwise I will miss and easily forget all of the good ideas.

Another time, I just can't help it but write everything down, just like what I do right now. I'm writting this in the middle of office hour with Arctic Monkey in maximum volume banging my ears I almost deaf. This is the peak, when I feel like things are coming and going way way too fast in my head. How stop this stream of thoughts? No. It's not the right way to address this matter. How to maintain all of this precious thoughts so I can process it one by one without making my head burst?

Living The Moment

Today I learn a new thing. It takes me so long to finally understand this. 

I can see clearly now that the universe always sends us clues, signs and everything in between. When we wonder, it always tries to show us the answer. But probably, we didn't speak its language back then. That's why sometimes we get lost. Most of the time, we feel alone. 

But today I learn a new thing. I learn the language of the universe. It speaks wisdom, kindness and honesty.

And suddenly, my shoulder seems to be less heavy.

Carrie On Monday: Am I Enough?

pic from pinterest.com

This post will be different with the rest Carrie on Monday cause I'm so so good in this. When we talk about single gal life, I may be the one you want to talk to.

Let's start from the bad side. Last week my very very good friend just got married and I was one of the bridesmaids. As happy as I was welcoming the day, I kind of annoyed with the endless stream of "so, when is yours?" during the party. Well first of all, I wish I knew when my time would come. I wish I could cheat on God to peek on my own future. 

I was also meeting a lot of my old friends at the party. I ended up hanging out with 2 of my junior high besties after the party cause it's been too long since we hung out together. We spent the whole day chatting and eating and laughing and gossipping. I remember one of my them told me about her recent trip to Borneo. She told me that she met a lot of lovey dovey couple at the plane she felt the heat burning her from deep within hahaha. Then one couple catched up her attention. She realised that was a rude thought but she couldn't help but thinking that she was prettier and slimmer than the girl. But why she couldn't get a boyfriend of her own?

My first reaction was laughing. So hard. I wasn't not sure if I thought that's a pathetic statement or I thought it's a ridiculous idea to begin with. But after a while, I realised that me too sometimes had that kind of thought slipped on my mind for a second. And I realised it's completely okay to wonder about that. It's not pathetic or ridiculous because we simply don't understand (and we want to, so badly). This is a part when I get reminded over and over again that every living person has different way of doing things hence, different outcome in life. In this case, love life.

What surprised me more was the answer I was giving to her. I said, "At this stage, I understand that look attracts people. But attitude and personality are ones that keep him stay. She maybe not the most  good looking person but he stays eventually. Why? It's something we, as the outsiders, can't see with our bare eyes. But it's crystal clear for him."

When did I become so smart mouth about this? Haha. I didn't see my self coming with that kind of talk. I guess, that understanding has hidden deep in my subconscious. A friend happened to ask a question and I had the answer all the time.

I'm still in the running of practising my patience untill I find the prince charming cause I'm not really sure what else to do. Lol.

xxx

Parting Ways

Today is the day that one of my best friend moving out from Surabaya. I feel like today, I'm loosing a part of home. As I write this down, she's boarding to one way flight to a new home with her husband, starting a new chapter of her life. I'm sad.

I know clearly the next couple of weeks will be pretty hard for me, since we used to hang out every weekend. She's been the one I trust most, the one that shows me what a true friendship is. And being friend with her makes me realise that it's okay not to appear perfect. It's okay if I am who I am and nothing less.

I feel really happy for her that she finally united with the man of her choice. I feel happy that she's opening an exciting page of her story, one that she will share with him. I wish no matter how far we are apart, we have no doubt that we still got each other's back.

Until next time, Cha.